Be Me

This last week has been one of searching. For the last several months, I have gradually lost finding joy in my life. The everyday small stresses and sometimes very large stresses recently culminated in a breakdown of sorts. Best explained, I left work one day feeling almost completely broken with only a small piece of what resembled the person I have been or want to be. All the details of how I got there are not important, it's what I do now that will make the difference. As I’ve pondered what led to this situation or how I got here, I realized none of it matters if I choose not to stay here. My goal now is to focus on being me- the me who loves to break in to song and dance, the me who laughs so hard that my stomach hurts, the me that is adventurous and fun, and the me that enjoys the moments that I am in. I know that me exists, she’s just been hidden behind the me that works too hard and the me that is so consumed with the idea of being good at everything that I find it hard to do anything that meets my expectations. In my short sabbatical from my everyday life, I’ve read a few books and tried to figure out how I’m going to get back to being me. One of the books I’m in the process of reading is called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. It has had a very profound impact on where I am right now and where I see myself going. The backside of the book cover says that the writer had an epiphany one day: “The days are long, but the years are short. Time is passing, and I’m not focusing enough on the things that really matter.” Thereafter, she dedicated a year to making small changes or achieving goals that would lead to a greater sense of happiness in her life. I would love to shoot for a year, but I have a habit of completely overwhelming myself with big projects. I’m going to start small and go from there. One of the things that struck me right off was dedicating time to the blog again. So, here’s to being me and the adventures that are bound to come! After all is said and done, my level of happiness will shape her level of happiness.